I Am...

Today started out as one more crazy day. I knew I needed to get up extra early because I had a parent conference scheduled for 7:15. Yes, I said 7:15...that would not be a typo. Mom called for my usual 5:30 wake up call and I totally told her I was up and going. Well I think I lied, because the next time I looked a the clock, it was 7:20 and I was in panic mode. I ran around trying to get ready, calling people at school to ask them to cover my class...it was crazy! I did end up getting to school a little after 8:00..don't ask me how!
But this just started my day off in a not good way...I felt like I was always 50 steps behind where I needed to be as I rushed around school to get things ready for the day and make sure the day went smoothly. When I got home from school, after 5 parent conferences, I was really looking forward to our small group meeting. This is such an encouragement to my week and I knew it would help put things into perspective. Well, we were supposed to be watching a DVD tonight, and wouldn't you know that my DVD player would not work. So, we did not get to discuss what we had intended although, i was really happy for the fellowship time with this amazing group of ladies! All this to say...I really fell like Satan has a radar and can tell when you are a little bit vulnerable. And he immediately swoops in and pushes every button he can just to get you down. I could really talk about this forever, but tonight I am just feeling that a lot. But I am clinging to the fact that GOD IS ENOUGH. He is constant, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He takes the ordinary parts of my life and calls me me daily to make them extraordinary. He loves me ugly parts and all...grumpy and tired...He is near and wants me to live a life that is full and abundant.
Last week at small group, Amanda shared a great song, that I actually had been thinking about, and it turned out she had brought to share with small group. Here are the lyrics...so true...let this be your prayer even now...

I AM by Jill Phillips
Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast,
But I will stay
The same through the past,
The same in future, same today

CHORUS:
I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

I know you through and through;
There's no need to hide
I want to show you love
That is deep and high and wide

CHORUS(2x)

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest

Shine...

Have you ever been in the place where you are not sure if God is moving in your life? You don't know if you hear Him, you can't see him moving around you, you feel stuck? Well, I have been in this place, I swear for like the past 3 years. That is not to say that God has not being doing things all around me or to imply that I have not felt close to God at moments over these past few years, but that true feeling that God is right in the midst of what is going on in my life has definitely been missing. One thing I have been craving is good fellowship with a group of people who will ch allege and support me in my faith, a small group if you will. For years I have been telling my friend Kristi, I really felt like I should start a small group but of course I never acted on it and continued to feel empty and hungry for true fellowship. So this year, I was determined...even if it just turned out to be me and my bible, I would start this small group. So I sent out an email to a few friends inviting them to my house for a little fellowship and fun. This could turn out to be a really long story and truth of the matter is most of you who read this were probably there. So I will give you the short version...

Our group had watched the Nooma, Breathe (if you have not seen it...oh you have to watch it! AMAZING). And we had decided to stay with it for a few weeks and really spend some time in the word understanding the scripture that went along with it. So this past Tuesday, Amanda did an amazing job of taking the scripture in Exodus where Moses sees the burning bush and helping us really pick it apart and look deep in this passage. We were talking about what we have been hiding from people, and I shared with the group that I am hiding that I live in fear but I am really asking God to help me live in the freedom that He provides. And then we started talking about the burning bushes that are in our lives. I will not go into all that happened during that time, but just trust that it was a great discussion, so nice to be able to share with people what was on my heart and feel loved, supported and prayed for. Such a blessing..

Now fast forward to Wednesday, my friend Kristi came into my room and told me she wanted to go get a tattoo on her foot of a star. And then she went on to explain that was what she wanted to be, a light in a dark world. She knew she had been called to be light and she really wanted others to see that light in her. In a very quick, not thought out reply, I told her I would go with her. Not really sure that I would get a tattoo at all, because I am not going to lie, I knew it would hurt, I thought about it a little more. And I was really drawn to this idea. That we are called, yes called to SHINE a bright light in the world, a world that is hopeless, faithless and hurting. Sometime I need a visual reminder of that too...so I told her I would get one too! And then I got to thinking a little more about what I know God has called me to do...to be His hands and His feet. I tend to think I am pretty good at the hands part of that command. I like to serve, be helpful to others, play it safe. But the feet part is another story, that required action, that is the GO behind the command. This is the part of what God has called me to do that I have not been faithful with. So to get a tattoo on my foot would remind me that I am to GO! Go where God is asking me to go, no matter what that is and then once I go to be that light in the dark world! So all that to say....



I did it...I have a tattoo that reminds me to GO and be a light to a dark and ugly world. The second star is also in memory of my dad who I lost 6 years ago. I know that the stars are one way for me to know that he is watching over me and this helps me to know he is with me all the time!

I know something very not like me, but I am really happy with it. And more than that I am happy with what it means to me..now if I can just be all that God is calling me to be...It is time to SHINE!

Do Not Fear...

Tonight a new coworker and friend invited me to go with her and her husband to their church for an event. They had set up a large screen in the church parking lot and had a movie night under the stars. I was excited to hang out with this new sister in Christ and to get to know her and her husband a little better. The church was showing the movie, Facing the Giants. I had not seen it but had heard many great things about it. It really was a great movie. Such a good and solid message...With God All Things Are Possible. For those of you who have not seen the movie, it is the story of a high school football team that just can't seem to get a break. The coach really begins to seek the Lord and to have his team play for his glory and the team really turns around. They make it to the state playoffs to face the Giants...this is where I really heard the Lord speak to me. It was at this point in the movie that the young coach was in the locker room before the state championship game. His former coach comes in to encourage him before the game and the coach is just talking about how he is not sure his team is ready and how he is afraid that they will be trampled out on the field. The older coach then reminds the younger one that in the bible God tells us 365 times...Do not fear. The statement was made and I did not even make the connection until Shannon leaned over and said, "Isn't that awesome...one time for everyday." Wow...do not fear...once for everyday of the year.
I feel like I have been living most of my life in fear. When I think about what I think, how I choose to act, what I say or more importantly don't say are usually a direct result of being afraid of something. Being afraid of looking stupid, being afraid of what others might be thinking of me, being afraid of being rejected, the list goes on and on. God calls us to live a life that is not full of fear but yet full of faith that He is in control and with Him all things are possible. This is my prayer tonight, that I would begin to live knowing that God is with me, and that through Him I find my strength and should not fear...not today, tomorrow or any day.

The biggest leesson of all...

Never commit to writing a list of things at the beginning of the school year...because it will not get done! Wow...what a big time blog slacker I am! I apologize to all three of you who actually read this blog for not being able to commit to actually following through with this list of 30 things. To be really honest, I really think my previous post (#5) encompasses so much of what i have learned in my life. Yes, there have been more lessons, trials, joys, but what I experienced that year has molded me and changed me and made me who I am. It was a bit of healing posting about it...as I am not usually one to talk too much about missing my dad. So thank you for letting me share, and for being patient as I try to get back on the blog saddle! I am back friends...probably not back enough to post the rest of this list, but let the new posting begin....