day 2 ::: measuring up

If I were to be honest with you or really myself, I would tell you that I have an unhealthy desire to be good, actually great at everything I attempt.  Growing up, the multiplication drills in Mrs. Griffin's 3rd grade class were cut throat, I had to win.  As I got older, this same mentality drove the goals I made for myself, the activities I chose to involve myself in, the people I associated myself with.  Don't get me wrong, wanting to be good at something is not a bad thing.  But where this desire led me was that I knew I couldn't be good at it, I would just not try.  I can think of countless experiences that I missed out on because I was afraid I would not measure up, that the people involved would not accept me, that I would somehow look foolish and not be perceived as good.  And this my friends is something I can't stand about myself...

Because of this fear of not measuring up or being good at something, I keep my mouth shut when I should share a great idea.  I don't reach out to people in new situations, they might not want to talk to me.  I don't call my friends on the phone out of the fear that I would be bothering them.  Time after time I have let fear of failure run my life.  If I can't succeed at the task, why even try?  

As I am getting older, I am learning that all those missed opportunities have possibly kept me from meeting some amazing people, from blessing others or being blessed in return.  I think it's time I let go of that fear and take the risk...