day 15 :: I think I will do Laundry instead

I wanted to write about something that was really close to my heart tonight.  I really did. 

I drummed my fingers on my MacBook Pro keyboard like racing horses.

I refreshed my Facebook feed over and over again, thinking that if I just put it off a few more minutes that I would have the courage to really open up on the ole' blog.  

I even texted a dear friend and asked for her advice for topics about what I should write about tonight.  She had some great ideas! 

I ate a bowl of ice cream.  

I even loaded my dishwasher. 

I avoided.  

And what it boils down to is this...I am afraid.  I am afraid of putting a little bit of my heart out here on the blog.  I am not as brave as so many of these writers of blogs I read.  Those writers who truly open up their hearts and share what is really going on in there.  I am not as brave as my mom friends, who talk about the hardships of being a mom and how life really isn't as perfect as it looks on pinterest or facebook.  I am not as brave as my friends who boldly proclaim how God is working in their lives and how He has been faithful, even in the hard times.  I am not as brave as my young friend who is working her first job but still shares about the scary parts of being on your own for the first time.  I am afraid.

Maybe one day I will muster up the courage it takes to really share my heart here.  I know it would do me a world of good, but for tonight, I think I will just do a load of laundry!

(on a side note, I am pretty proud that I have made it 15 days on the blog. this might be a first!  so if you are stopping by to read these random ramblings...thanks! leave a comment to let me know you have stopped in! :) )