I have never been really good at telling the truth from a lie. The only time I am able to usually do this is when my students lie to me. They have this way of looking at the floor, biting their lips, etc that clues me into the fact that they are not telling me the truth. But in my own life, with the people I love, I have never been able to tell fact from fiction.
This is especially true when I think about the thoughts that flow through my mind day after day, moment after moment. There are seasons, where these thoughts are the truth. I hear the voice of the one who created me telling me that He delights in me, He sees past my shortcomings to the woman that he created me to be. I hear that I loved, that I am good enough, that I have a purpose.
In other seasons, I can't even hear the whisper of this truth. The lies that flood my mind are so loud and clear, that I find myself believing them all. Lies about whose I am, my body, my life, my friends, my future, you name it the lies just keep flowing. They become so intense that often times I feel like my heart is being crushed under the weight of them. I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be able to breathe in truth. I will never be able to hear those things that I know bring me life.
I can remember times when I knew nothing but truth, times where I was able to just be me. To dance in the freedom that I knew in Christ. I was able to take the lies that I heard and replace them with truth, with life giving words. Those were times I felt alive, I felt like Brooke, like I mattered.
But somewhere in the corners of my mind, I find myself doubting what I hear and in creep the lies. And then I feel like I can't get out of it. And friends, right now, I find myself in one of those places, where the lies have crept in and I am having a hard time hearing truth. Normally, I would never write about this on this blog, I would not share my heart. But I feel like as women, (sorry if any of you readers are guys), we all find ourselves in those places at one time or another. We strive to be everything for everyone, only to hear we are not enough. We desperately try to live healthier, only to be reminded that we don't measure up. We long to be loved, only to have those parts of us that we don't love thrown in our faces.
But the good news is, there is one who does say we are enough, we do measure up, we are loved. He speaks truth about us and longs for us to believe it. So while in this season, I am having a hard time finding that truth, I have HOPE that He still whispers through the lies, he still gives breath where it feels we are suffocating.
And for this...I must keep breathing....
